If you’re one of those who feels called to make a difference in the world, it’s important to remember that you can’t change the world without first transforming yourself. One of the most crucial tasks in this process is to align the conflicting voices in your psyche, so that all of your inner resources are available to help deliver the impact you’re meant to make.
A conflict that often shows up when you set big goals for yourself is between the inner taskmaster and the inner rebel. The taskmaster typically decides “Whoa! We’ve got some big things to do here; we’d better get cracking on this or nothing is going to happen.” Meanwhile, the rebel can dig its heels in and declare that things are just fine exactly the way they are!
The inner rebel can be very blatant as a protesting voice in your ear, or you may find that your beautiful plan just isn’t being followed. You may forget to put your action items into your calendar, or something else always seems to be more important. Distraction is one of the rebel’s favorite techniques!
A client I’ll call Jeff spent several weeks with me designing and tweaking an elegant planning system to grow his consulting business with a daily action list plus weekly, monthly and long term documents. He was pleased with the result and thought it should perfectly fit the bill, but then several weeks in a row he sheepishly reported that he hadn’t used it yet.
It became obvious that there was some part of Jeff that wasn’t in agreement with the plan. With a bit of curiosity and exploration, we uncovered a subconscious rebellious part that wanted nothing to do with the planning system.
The voice said, “Hell no! It’s incredibly boring! No f___ing way! I’m outa here — that’s why I kept wanting to go work on the remodeling project instead.”
In the past, like most people, Jeff had simply tried to suppress his inner rebel and use brute force on himself to get the result. While that strategy can work when instinctual fears are at stake, such as keeping one’s job or protecting one’s children, it doesn’t work very well in creative pursuits such as starting a new business venture.
Subconscious parts of ourselves can easily throw a wrench in the works and shut down any plans that we make. Trying to squelch them and push our conscious agenda through simply does not work when we’re stretching into new territory.
The good news is that being forced to make peace with our inner rebel allows us to harness the incredible power available from this part of ourselves. All we need to do is recognize the fact that our rebel, like every part of us, serves a higher purpose and therefore brings value to the table. In the same way that one would deal with a rebellious child, we need to separate our opinions about the part’s behavior from our judgment about the part itself.
When I asked Jeff to reflect on what value his inner rebel brought to the table, he said “Well, actually my rebel does have a lot of creativity. I like the free spirit that he brings. That’s why he hates anything that feels like fitting into a box. But I know that my business needs to get more structured in order to grow and have the kind of influence I want it to have.”
From the perspective of appreciation and curiosity, I invited Jeff to open a dialogue with his rebel. The key was to look for a win-win opportunity where both he and his rebel could get what they wanted moving forward. It went something like this:
Jeff: I like the wild ideas you bring into my life. We have a lot of fun together inventing things.
Rebel: Really? I thought you hated me. You’re always getting mad at me.
Jeff: Well, I’m interested in changing that and having a better relationship with you. I understand that it may take a while for you to trust me, but this is important to me so I’m game.
Rebel: I’m willing to talk but no promises yet.
Jeff: What matters the most to you?
Rebel: I love inventing things, always having something new to play with. I hate routine!
With the suggestion that Jeff invite his rebel to help invent a cool planning system, he was off and running. His inner taskmaster was quite pleased to see momentum at last, and agreed to back off scolding and just monitor the results for the time being.
It turned out that the rebel was happy to participate as long as he was consulted. Jeff listened and followed through on his rebel’s request to make the planning system fun by using the iPhone. What a difference that made!
Jeff was thrilled with the breakthrough, and committed to continuing the dialog with the part that took the name “Calvin” in honor of the character in the “Calvin and Hobbes” comic strip known for playful troublemaking.
How are you treating the rebel within you?
