You’ve got a clear inspiring vision for change and a plan for manifesting it, but something still isn’t budging.
If this sounds familiar, what now? It’s time to look at inner alignment.
It’s rare for us to be 100% behind anything new we plan to do. We often have to negotiate between pro and con voices within us to accomplish challenging tasks.
“I know I need to follow-up with that new client lead. But I hate making calls.”
“Phone calls are usually most effective.”
“But I hate to interrupt people in the middle of something; it gets the relationship off to a bad start.”
“How about noon? That’s time when people might not mind being interrupted.”
“Deal! Done.”
Sometimes this conversational style of inner negotiation works. But if you want to have a significant impact in the world, the challenges you’re facing may evoke resistance strong enough to stop you in your tracks. They will create strong fears and doubts in you, they will distract you, they will do everything in their power to keep you safe in their eyes.
For example, one common fear that shows up is the possibility of being judged and ridiculed. If you want to be a changemaker, it’s the nature of the beast that you won’t fit in, because you will be showing a better way forward. And, we are wired to be social creatures who depend upon the approval and acceptance of others. Therefore, launching something new in the face of all of this genetic programming evokes powerful protective voices.
Using brute force to overcome these voices, the old “feel the fear and do it anyway” adage, is not the wisest course in this case. If you try to force the kind of transformation changemakers face, the psyche can cause a timeout with illness or injury. Yet, these fear voices have the wisdom within them to generate a life and business of high integrity, everything you need for success in your mission.
The way through is to understand that all of these voices really do want the best for you and have been working on your behalf your whole life. It is just that they formed a very early age, so they are essentially using the strategies of a three-year-old!
Get curious about these “negative” voices with an appreciative and respectful attitude. Find out what they really want for you, and determine if their current strategy is working for them. If all goes well, with bit of skill you may be able to help them reorient to a more productive strategy that will be a win-win all around.
“Mary” was a consultant who struggled with the belief that success would make her too powerful and potentially harmful to others. She identified a voice she called her “power monitor” whose job was to keep her small and safe for others.
Power Monitor: If you get too strong, you’ll just misuse the power and abuse others with it.
Mary: I appreciate how hard you worked all these years to make me a good person and keep me from hurting others the way I was hurt. I’m wondering; what is it that you really want more than anything?
Power Monitor: I want you to not be the victim and not victimize others.
Mary: So what would that look like if we had that?
Power Monitor: Power would freely circulate through everyone and not get stuck anywhere. It would be this luminous shimmering thing that flowed in swirls and waterfalls.
Mary: Wow, that’s beautiful! I like what you’re pointing to. What strategy are you using now to get that, and how is it working for you?
Power Monitor: Well, right now I just keep you small to keep you from hurting others. But now you mention it, it’s not working that well, people still seem to feel hurt sometimes anyway. And power certainly isn’t circulating around you, I make you keep it on other people.
Mary: If we could find a way to get what you wanted that worked, would you be interested?
Power Monitor: Yes!
This voice or part of her ended up becoming Mary’s “Power Circulator”, with the job of reminding her to keep her newly emerging power circulating in a shimmering luminous flow to and through others. This part no longer needed to keep her small because a more effective strategy was found through the appreciative curiosity. The result was that Mary allowed herself to become much more powerful and effective with her audience for her mission.
How might you apply the principle of appreciative curiosity to the showstopper voices within you?
