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Every part of you contributes to your magnificence. And, if you are like most of us, there are certain parts of yourself that you’d love to get rid of. What parts seem to be blocking the flow that you want in your life? It could be your wounded parts, your people-pleaser parts, your inner taskmaster, your inner rebel, your inner critic or all of the above!

It’s actually not the parts themselves but rather your judgment of them that creates the biggest obstacle to living your purpose in the world, because it creates the conflict of an inner split. How much time, energy and effort do you spend holding parts of yourself at bay?

One common way this inner split shows up is believing that parts of you are inadequate or shameful, and therefore likely to be rejected by your community. Sound familiar? In this state, you can’t fully trust yourself and the calling of your heart because you are suppressing part of your life force and who you really are.

There also can be a financial cost to this belief that you are inadequate. How much delay in income and unnecessary costs come from believing that one more training or one more healing modality will get you ready to deliver your gifts fully? If you trust your own heart, you’ll realize that you have much to offer exactly the way you are.

At the same time, you may be called to evolve into the ultimate vehicle of your purpose.

How do you embrace your evolution without judging where you are now?

The solution to this dilemma is to make peace with your least favorite parts to discover their innate purpose, and help them express it in a more evolved win-win way. Once you learn the higher purpose of each part, you’ll see how it contributes to your own higher purpose, with just a few tweaks to their method of execution. And a whole new level of life force can be reclaimed in this way!

When I took my first coach training in 2003, it was fashionable to try to get rid of certain parts like the inner critic. If you tried that approach, you probably discovered what many of us did – it didn’t work!

Trying to bully or eliminate an inner voice just causes it to either dig in its heels more forcefully or to go underground where it can pop up and act out in very inconvenient times. Ultimately the only strategy that works for the long term is to help these parts learn a more skillful and mutually beneficial method to achieve their purpose.

For example, I’ve seen many inner critics, whose purpose is to help their host achieve excellence, grow into inner coaches. Same objective, just a much better method of execution given the right kind of care and attention.

A recommended way to have a transformative inner dialogue with a challenging part of your self is to write it out like a chat. Here’s an example that demonstrates the principles of appreciation, discovery and supportive negotiation.

Judy: I’d like to talk to my Inner Critic.

Inner Critic: Me? Okay, I guess. What do you want?

Judy: I’m having a hard time with our relationship. I’ve learned that you must have my best interests at heart, but I’m having trouble believing that. Why are you so rough with me?

Inner Critic: I really want you to do well, and if I don’t point out all the things you do wrong, how will you get there? We modeled me after our critical Mom, to be sure we catch the problems first before she did. I yell at you so she won’t ever yell at you again.

Judy: What do you really want for me more than anything else? Why do you care about me doing well?

Inner Critic: Well, if you do well, you’ll finally get the praise and love from Mom that you always wanted. And then you’ll finally feel happy and at peace.

Judy: Hmm. Well, I appreciate that you want me to feel happy and at peace. That’s an objective I can get behind. But do you think your methods are working? Do I seem to be happy and at peace from your telling me I’m not good enough?

Inner Critic: Well, now that you put it that way, not so much. Hmm.

Judy: If we could work out another way for me to do well and get peace and happiness, that worked more consistently, would you be interested?

Inner Critic: Oh what an interesting idea. Tell me more.

Judy: How about if we start tracking what I am doing right, and see if we can build on that to improve my performance?

Inner Critic: Well, I do have some doubts, but I’m willing to give it a shot now that you pointed out that my method wasn’t working very well.

Judy: Great! Would you like a new job title? What do you want to be called with this change in strategy?

Inner Critic: I’d like to be the Inner Coach.

Judy: Done! I look forward to working with you in this new way.

Inner Coach: But if you backslide and stop aiming for excellence, I promise I’ll start criticizing again.

Judy: Okay, fair enough! Let’s check in a week and see how we did. Thanks and catch you later!

What parts of your subconscious are you still judging, that are ready to negotiate a new relationship? Try chatting in this way and have fun with it!