When you make significant decisions, are they made from reactivity or from your purpose? Reflect back on your life from childhood onward. It’s likely that some decisions were consciously made, and others were made subconsciously.
“I’ll never be vulnerable in front of a group again!”
“I’m safe when I stay small and honor other people’s needs.”
“People feel threatened and hurt when I shine, so I better not let anyone see what I can really do.”
“I feel powerful and capable when I criticize others.”
These kinds of choices we may have made early on were essentially instinctual reactions to either avoid pain or approach reward. It’s what our psyches do to keep us safe, sane and alive, which in itself is a worthy goal.
Yet as you’ve noticed over time, when we want to make a larger contribution in the world these early choices and behaviors start to feel stale and claustrophobic.
If you feel the longing to honor the calling of your heart and soul, how often does that familiar “Yes, but…” feeling arise?
“I always wanted to figure out how to heal this condition, but I feel clueless … “
“I just know there’s inspirational music inside of me, but I haven’t played an instrument since I was a child … “
“I’ve been sensing for a few years now that there’s more I could do for my clients, but I just don’t know what’s missing …”
“If we could find a way to end hunger in third world countries it would solve so many problems, but I feel helpless in the face of the magnitude of the need …”
These subconscious reactions consistently block our progress and keep us from pursuing the purpose inside of us. If we can’t shift these defensive reactions the status quo prevails and we will never contribute our deepest gifts to the world.
One of the most powerful ways through our protective patterns is curiosity about the push-pull within you. Part of you wants to express your true nature in a way that serves and makes a contribution, and part of you wants to follow the early decisions that kept you safe in your early environment.
Whenever you hit a sense of limitation that comes from within, get curious – what beliefs or behaviors are holding me back now, and what early decisions did I make that set them in place?
At the same time, appreciate the genius of those patterns rather than making them bad or wrong. They were created for the very good reason of keeping you safe, and they did serve you for many years.
Look for new ways to meet the same objective, ways that take into account who you have become since they were installed.
Here’s what that exploration might look like in practice:
Linda: I’d like to talk to the part of me that keeps me getting sick when a big opportunity arises.
Part: Okay, what do you want to talk about?
Linda: Why is it important that I get sick when I want to stretch my capacity?
Part: Don’t you remember that Mom was only loving when you were sick? If you were capable, she ignored you. My purpose is to make you feel loved and peaceful.
Linda: Well, that makes sense; thank you for trying. But did you notice that missing a new opportunity stresses me out rather than making me peaceful.
Part: Wow, you’re right.
Linda: What do you think would make me feel peaceful when there’s an opportunity for me?
Part: Oh! I get it. That we would just assess every opportunity like that and decide whether it’s a fit or not.
Linda: Perfect! I love it. Let’s do that.
This is the difference between living reactively and living purposefully.
Curiosity and the willingness to be present with whatever you uncover with gentle compassion is one of the best ways to find room for all you are and all you are meant to be.
What part or parts of you are blocking your most purposeful path?
